Yesterday, I accidently changed my Facebook information from being "in a relationship" to "single." In the time it took me to realize this mistake (10 minutes), six of my friends had already "liked" it.

Last night, I came home to find my dad blacked-out in his office. He was building boobs out of Legos.

Today, I caught my roommate masturbating to a re-run of Hana Montana.

Today, an ambulance was called to my apartment complex because a guy got his dick stuck in one of the hot tub's jets.

Last night, I hooked-up with a guy who told me to "fuck him like a widow."

Last night, I blacked out and hooked-up with my cousin. When we both woke up the next morning, she looked at me and said, "That was weird. We should probably stick to 2nd cousins from now on."

Last night, in the heat of the moment, my girlfriend asked me to pee inside of her.

My boyfriend begged me to blow him while he was playing xbox, so I did. After a couple minutes I realized he was actually talking to the nazi zombies in the game and he told me to stop because he couldn't focus.

Last night, during rough sex, my girlfriend kneed me in the balls and yelled "Gooooaaaaaallllllll!!!!"

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend saying he was confused; he didn't understand how I could love him and not want to have anal sex.